


The Ties That Bind.

by Drusilla_951



Category: Arthur of the Britons
Genre: Brotherhood, Canon Dialogue, Fatherhood, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:57:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1551287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drusilla_951/pseuds/Drusilla_951
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why Kai "couldn’t wait". Set during '<i>In Common Cause</i>' (Story: Michael J. Bird.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ties That Bind.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trepkos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepkos/gifts).



> Unbeta-ed.

_The Saxons are no longer my people. They were, once._

_I played with Roland in a village such as this._

_I almost died in a river such as this one. Indeed, if not for Roland, my life would have come to an end in a village such as this._

_I would never have known Arthur, who is as a brother to me; nor Llud, who is as a father to me._

_Even Cerdig recognises who I am. He says:_ “You belong to the Celts now. To Arthur’s people.”

_Is my blood still Saxon blood? No._

_But my blood isn’t Celtic blood either, for all that Llud would wish._

“That man over there; isn’t it possible he could be your father?” _Cerdig says._

_He couldn’t. If he were alive, my father would have sought me out. That man would know if he had lost a son._

_No one ever sought me out – except Llud and Arthur._

_But – how could they?_

_Perhaps Cerdig is right. My … family thought me forever lost to them, slain or enslaved by the Celts. How could they believe that a Saxon child was fostered by one Celt so recently bereaved? My father…_

“– would also know that that son was you. The Saxon who kills Saxons. Would he claim you or would he let you pass?”

_Cerdig’s eyes blink, coldly calculating. There is a watchful gleam in them. It makes me so uneasy I nearly fidget. My foe waves eloquently with his cup; the same cup he offered me a drink from._

_He knows. All of a sudden, I understand the truth behind his taunts._

_He knows who sired me._

_I’m sure of it._

_Cerdig takes another swig. Behind me, the older man looks at me with some puzzlement. I can feel his eyes boring into my shoulder blades._

_I have to know. I must._

_Then I will do what must be done, whatever the price._

********

“– I would acclaim you throughout the Saxon lands, and call upon your father to come forward, and take his rightful place beside his son Kai, the wandering Saxon who has come home to his own people.”

_Would you? Would you need to call for my sire? Or have you known all along? I wonder._

_Is it your revenge on Arthur, this hope you are awakening in me?_

_I cannot wait to find out._

_My father is waiting for me on the other bank._

“It is agreed. Cut his bonds.” _My hands are free, at last. I have succeeded._

_Cerdig gleefully throws his axe down, three steps away from me. I can already feel the hilt in my hand. I flex my fingers._

_He is beaming at me. The fool!_

“Ha! Arthur loses more than sheep and goats today!”

 _No._ You _lose more than you ever bargained for._

_Thanks to you, now I know who I truly am._

_Even this paternal embrace I dreamed so many dreams of can no longer shake my resolve. It belongs to the past. It was Brett’s very last._

_My name is Kai. I’m a warrior among warriors._

_And as such, I make my move._

********

“Could you not wait?”

_Could he not wait? From my vantage point, I shoot him a haughty, smouldering look. It hits him like well-tempered steel. Kai does not try to parry it; he flinches and takes a step back. His drenched curls plastered onto his brow, he looks more disgruntled and furious than I ever did see him. Despite the sun, he’s shivering._

_I feel Llud’s stare on the back of my neck. It weights like lead. He hasn’t really forgiven me my scheme, even if he does know, deep down, that I did right._

_I had no choice._

_I have no choice._

_I never had._

_I never will._

_Leading my people means balancing wrong and wrongfully wrong, not right and wrong. Those who believe the latter are simpletons who think that Fate hands me clear-cut alternatives to choose between. If it were ever that simple, the load would be so much easier to shoulder…_

“Cerdig sought to dig deeper the pit you left me in. I had to build a ladder of cleverer lies with which to climb out,” _Kai explains._

_I manage to keep my face impassive. Or so I believe._

_Don’t you realize, brother of my choosing, that I already knew that? Nevertheless, I trusted your word and fealty._

_I also trusted Llud’s love for you and the one you bear him – that filial love that you have been giving him for twenty-odd years – to bring you safely back on our ridge._

_I also trusted the bond between us._

_Among the Saxons, only Roland was as a brother to you. Now that he is gone, I know I am the only brother you will ever have. I never doubted that._

_Among the Celts, you are a warrior among warriors. My second-in-command. My kinsman. Llud’s son._

_Among the Saxons, what would you be? A prize for Cerdig to flaunt? The evidence of his cunning and his smooth tongue?_

_Unless… There is more than that. Much more that I may not see._

_Yet I saw Cerdig’s heartfelt embrace._

_I won’t stare at Kai while he goes round my horse and reach his. Instead I glare across the Giant’s Stair chasm at Cerdig. The Saxon King is glaring back at me, his hand still raised in that imperious gesture that stopped his warriors’ spears. His smile is frozen hard on his face – hard as the stair he stands upon. Is there also pain on his face, and regret, too?_

_Slowly, he lowers his arm._

_I wonder how Kai sustains that deathly still gaze. So I turn my head and look back at my brother._

_But Kai spares no attention to Cerdig: he is mounting his horse and being enthusiastically greeted by Llud._

_His real father. His Celtic one. The one he honours and cherishes the most._

_At least, I hope so._

_Something on Cerdig’s face – a fleeting likeness around the eyes; in truth, not so much a likeness than a close similarity of gestures – arrested my attention. Could he be –?_

_What did he tell Kai? What words flew between the two of them? Will Kai ever tell us?_

_Why could he not wait?_

_Yet Cerdig did stop his warriors when Kai broke his word. At the risk of perjuring myself._

_As he still wants me to renege my word. Is that Kai’s revenge? And does Cerdig believe that I would treacherously starve his people now?_

_Kai asserts curtly:_ “There was no need for this bargain,” _and I retort as peremptorily:_ “I gave my word.”

“To a Saxon?”

“To Celt or Saxon, my word must stand.”

_How can he not understand that? If he doesn’t, it means Kai never understood me at all; that he follows my steps because of Llud, not because of his own heart._

_Still he insists:_ “There is no more sickness. Our animals are healthy, and hunting will be good. With empty bellies, our enemies would soon be at our mercy.”

_Those are not the words of a Saxon princeling. I can be relieved of this fear._

_But Kai is in deadly earnest, I can hear it. My heart sinks into a deep pit, and no ladder of clever lies will extirpate it from this one. Kai’s frantic and earnest glances go from Llud to me._

_Llud doesn’t say anything; he is waiting from his son to speak his mind. However I know how disappointed he is._

“I say prepare for –”

_Kai pauses, transfixed. He is eyeing the Saxons. Some of the warriors are going to Cerdig for a hasty discussion. Others still stand on the weir, waiting for their leader to act. What is my brother seeing? Some of the promises Cerdig made him? Women aplenty? Riches beyond his imagining? All this, Cerdig may have promised him to fasten him by his side._

_For holding Kai by voluntary ties would prove to all that my authority is weak; that I could not even keep my second-in-command and my brother-elect by my side._

_My face begins to hurt; keeping it motionless is a strain._

_At last I can query with an even voice,_ “Well, Kai? What do you say?”

 _His eyes answer mine before his voice asserts:_ “Your word must stand.”

_This is all I ever needed to know._

_At last, I can turn my horse and direct the herders._ “Leave the animals! Go!”

_They like it even less than Kai does – even if my riches are sorely depleted from the damages I awarded them for that sacrifice. I didn’t have to, but it helped smooth their reluctance over. At least, it will help them replenish their stocks: all will benefit from it._

_I spur my horse on. When I’m level with Kai, I come to a halt and look back at him._

“My thanks – for supporting my pledge to Cerdig.”

_He nods. We understand each other perfectly. It is enough for now._

_As I ride away, I hear him mutter:_ “Kai is himself again.”

_As we ride off, I inwardly heave a great sigh. Whatever ailed him, it has come to an end._

_Kai is forever ours._

_**Finis** _


End file.
